Our new home

Yesterday, was a good day for Everett and was therefore a good day for us. I started to feel comfortable in a place I wanted to escape two days earlier. Living in a hospital is hardly ideal, but that is our new way of life for now and I am starting to learn it. We were fortunate to have had 10 days at home during induction (the first month of treatment).

The faces in the hallway are becoming familar. Ben has played with some patients/siblings in the playroom. A community is starting to form in a place that used to only bring anxiety, confusion, worry and a whole mess of other emotions that we want to move past.

I see some new faces to our floor (hematology/oncology) and have been able to give them pointers on which doors are for us and which are for staff. Everything seems like a confusing maze at first and then at some point, you get it.

Yesterday evening, I saw a mother holding her child in her lap on a bed being wheeled to a room on our floor. She had the look in her face that I'm sure I had when we first arrived. You can tell in the faces of those around you...who is trying to digest what they just learned and who has become familiar with the situation they are in. My heart sank when I saw the mother and child. Partly, remembering the way our hearts broke that night and how closely we came to loosing him, and then being so close to another's sorrow. Maybe I will see her today...I'll want to hug her, but that will really weird her out.

You would think that seeing a child go through what our child is going through would be easier for us because it's more familiar...but it's not. The good news, there are a lot of children being healed in this hospital. The bad news, we see a lot of those children or hear stories from their loved ones. Stories of a child being hit by a car, of a teenage boy giving us his chips in the infusion room after hearing our little one cry and beg for food, or watching a frustrated 5 year old girl cry and ask why while throwing her wig on the floor. It's a lot to bear. I will never forget these moments.

God never promised us an easy life, nor a life where we could have complete control. But, God is guiding through this time and helping me and others make it one day at a time. I am also getting quite a fire in my belly for my kid and others. I'm not one to sit still.