June 4, 2013 was when Ev was diagnosed...as the day approaches I find it difficult to write because all I do is feel. Fortunately, in April, as an attempt to work through my emotions of the upcoming mark, I wrote a blog post that I wasn't sure I would use. Here it is.
______________________
As the year long fight against Leukemia approaches my mind
keeps drifting towards the possibility of a battle lost. In the first few days
and months, life was fragile and we felt it so intensely. We didn’t, nor are we
loosing said battle, but in order to fight it’s helpful to know what’s
possible. You have to know what you’re up against.
I look at Ev’s smile and cute little toes, I listen to his
laugh and his version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and I soak it in knowing
that I was blessed to have him in my life and blessed that he’s still here.
My mind has often thought of how thankful I am to have known
Ev. When he was diagnosed I didn’t know him yet. At 2 years old I knew the toys
he liked, but with a talkative brother and mama, he barely spoke. With every
day and month that passed in his treatment; Ev went from a boy of maybe two
words to a boy that can lead a conversation.
Ben also remembers. He remembers a lot…such as when and
where we all were when Ev was first said to have Leukemia. He remembers seeing
his sad parents and sick brother…and he remembers being given a coloring book
and crayons and then spilling his milk on a couch. He doesn’t think of this
time as sorrowful, but as a matter of fact. In this year, he has become a caretaker
for Ev and his best friend. I’ve always wanted the boys to be friends and
through this it has happened organically and quickly.
Hitting the year mark makes me feel fragile and want to cry,
but not because of any lack of hope. I think about what we have all gone
through, how hard the battle has been for us, of all the friends and family
that have reached out to us…of how something that can tear and break down only
built us up. Cancer comes in and slays the biggest giant, but it didn’t slay
us. We are surviving and we continue to thrive.
___________________________________
Below are a mix of photos from the last year. It shows more of the realities that we've faced and how much he has progressed and healed. At the very beginning of this I was very strict with my family and friends on sharing any photos of Ev, especially at the hospital. How can anyone understand or be urged to help if they are unaware? So, I wasn't ready then, but I am ready to share some now...
This was June 5 (or 6th), 2013 in ICU...
still wearing the clothes that he arrived in, on oxygen and having a blood transfusion
Another of many blood transfusions
Craving A LOT of Mac 'N' Cheese
He started with a PICC line in his arm then he went to a port (shown above).
Spidey playing in the playroom at the hospital
One of several clinic visits
Also at the clinic
Long days at the clinic
Resting as the sedation wears off after a spinal tap
( I always want to wrap him up in my arms at this point, but that would be a bad idea)
Thanks for sharing this difficult journey. Praying for strength for all of you as you continue to move on.
ReplyDelete