The New Year

When Ev was first diagnosed, I really wanted to turn back time and go to the days when he was healthy. Even the days that we ignorantly thought he was healthy. We were all forced to walk a path that we didn't choose and I kicked and screamed for a long time in many ways as I put one foot in front of the other.

Due to the most recent holiday, I have thought a lot about the past year. It started normal, though Jeff and I had been sick for most of December and January. Once we were into February, things started to feel a bit off to me in the way Ev behaved (though I was never able to identified it and just acknowledged that I was an over concerned mother, which was true). Sometime in February we got a puppy...a BIG mistake on my part to think that I, or my family, was ready for that. By April, the pup had another home and we hung up the towel on having a home with animals of any sort (at least for a very long time).

I won't continue to tell you all of the trivial details, these annoyances and concerns at the first of our year are no biggie in the big picture of things...though at the time we were challenged by them. It was June 4, 2013 that halted our world. The day we found out Ev had Leukemia and the day we knew Jeff would be laid off. I immediately thought of Job in the bible and was anticipating what was going to happen next. Thankfully, God's love and healing began before we noticed.

And, I am like Job, more than I thought...but not because of the suffering as I had predicted so dramatically in mind at the beginning. I am like him because I have always loved God and when I felt God was nowhere to be found I yelled, called Him names and questioned everything about Him. I wasn't scared of God's "wrath" against me for what I was saying or feeling, I was scared of loosing Him. However, my relationship and understanding of God is now stronger and, again, that relates me to Job.

So, 2013 was a bust, it was the worst year of my life. But it also impacted me and my family in a way that will enable us to live more fully and to never, ever give up.

What does 2014 have in store for us? Well, I have never been more excited to bring in the New Year as I was a few nights ago. Stepping into 2014 brings more hope and a cancer free child. Let's hope and pray that remains a reality for this year and in years to come.

Happy New Year!