This Little Light of Mine

There are a handful of songs that we sing to Ev before bed. Mostly, Jeff and I will sing children's songs with an occasional song that we really like ourselves. One of the songs is "This Little Light of Mine." Ev will listen and enjoys my dynamics as I sing it, but Ben had a load of questions when I sang it to him the other night.

Often I change the words in stories or songs to fit what I, and we, as a family believe.  So, this particular song I changed to "don't let anyone blow it [the light] out". The original lyric I had learned is "don't let Satan blow it out". What is Satan to a kid? That is a loaded section for a kids song that I could talk for hours on. But, I wont do so now. (We try to avoid telling our kids about God in the Veggie Tales format, but some stories just can't be simplified...so they will wait).

So, Ben asks me what the song is about. Looking back, I think he wanted me to say someone's birthday. He probably thought the candle was on a cake and perhaps a little brother was trying to steal the thunder of blowing another's candle out.

I began telling him about a figurative light that can exist within a person that is used for good. Of course, yes, I lost him at the beginning. This was a conversation that fell flat, but someday it won't.

In thinking about this song, it almost brought me to tears. I can see a light in my boys that they are probable unaware of and that light gives me strength and joy like nothing else.

I feel that in dealing with Everett's cancer, Jeff and I are regaining a light that we lost. I am not even discussing a God vs. Satan issue as the song suggests, but a light being a passion and real desire for life.

I have feared death for most of my life, perhaps a little too much. But who I am, in conjunction with having a policeman as a father and seeing loved ones gone at a young age...I was always aware and feared it. Now, I don't.

I hope all of our years are many, but if I were to go tomorrow...I am at peace. The joy of this is that my life is becoming fuller than it has ever been. In the midst of our suffering and despair, I have found my light. I am a better person because of it, creating a better mother, wife and friend too.

What I have had no choice in facing is the truth that believing in God is not a promise that bad things will ignore us or that our life will never be without wants and perhaps some needs. God's promise is to be there with us through the pain and the suffering and to create something beautiful out of something He never wanted for us. It is wrong to think God is not on our side just because free will exists.