Finding happiness

I wasn't going to accept another sad day at clinic, so I asked Ev before we went how we could bring some happiness into our day. He wanted to go to a store and pick out a toy, so we did. Mr. Potato Head Batman...the least intimidating Batman he owns.

Once we got to Riley he got more toys in honor of his 4th birthday! ...some coloring books and a much stronger Batman, to which he refers to as Ghost Batman (he loves Halloween and Batman was dressed in all white so naturally this makes sense).

I wish I could say that the entirety of the visit was without any discomfort, but they never are...seeing him poked with a needle so large and having to hold him down...with the help of other nurses, it hurts me to see and do every time (a moment in which I must detach from my emotions). I wish I knew what it felt like to have that needle pierce my skin...I wish I could understand the realities of all his physical and emotional pain. I wish it was me instead of him. 

But, it was a good visit. He only had one chemo med and the visit was short. And he was a trooper!

I am his chameleon...I see him strong and I am strong, I see him in pain and I am in pain. I soaked up the strength and joy he managed to show that visit. Thank God not everyday is a bad one...and thank God he can be my chameleon too.